Musings from Idle Acres

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Memories of Growing up In Vaughan Township

In my father’s personal records, one of which I found most interesting, was his business card as the Reeve of Vaughan of 1962. On the reverse side, it listed various statistics of Vaughan. Though shocked by the low mill rate and other figures, it was the population numbers that floored me: 15,957 citizens in 1960. This has soared to nearly 15 times that amount.

My first four years (1958 – 1962) were spent at the corner of Keele St. and Major Mackenzie as my father had his first drug store (he went on to have several in Vaughan and King) three doors up on the west side. My parents and I lived in an apartment upstairs. Their best friends, Dougald and Helen McCowan, lived next door and they owned the IGA grocery store in town. They sold it to Ron Nichol a few decades later, who became quite an icon for supporting the community in several ways from the ‘70’s thru to the 90’s when he retired.

I recall my mother taking me to Toronto at Christmas to see the windows of Eaton’s and Simpson’s as a wee lad. I could stand there forever, enraptured by the animated action of the elves. My mother became renowned for her Christmas displays in the windows of my father’s stores. She ensured that they were different each year and always entertained the locals.

One of my daily pleasures was waiting at one of the big picture windows of our apartment waiting for the arrival of “Ingm” (Mr. Ingram) in his pickup. I would dash downstairs and hop into the passenger side of the truck and be his copilot as he wound his way to the train station to pick up the daily mail drop. Since becoming his cohort, he knew to pick me up earlier than necessary, as I loved to explore the station. Upon loading the mail into the truck we would head back to the post office for the folks there to distribute the envelopes and packages.

We moved to Kleinburg in 1962 to reside beside the newly established golf course. Our lot was at the end of the road, and contrary to how developments happen now, there was one lot sold a year. Hard to imagine that now, isn’t it? We had just over an acre with half of it wooded before the back end opened up overlooking the first hole of the course and one side dropped off into a valley.

My parents were good friends of the owners of the course and became members. I was quickly brought into the enjoyment (and frustration) of golfing. As soon as I’d come home from school I’d grab a putter and seven iron and play until it was too dark to see the ball. This was back in the days when golfers would be in the 19th hole by 5 pm.

I was taken under the wing of the golf pro, who asked me to join the juniour pro tour when I was all of 11. I was such a shy kid then that I begged off. Those that know me now find it hard to believe I was ever shy.

Growing up with Tarzan, Robinson Crusoe and Captain Nemo and being surrounded by forest, I had quite the Land of Fantasia to play in. My mother, a very talented dress maker, made me, and my tribe, leopard print loincloths. I could climb trees like a monkey, run through the bush in my bare feet and even strike a match on my soles to impress my “tribe”. Down the valley was a scary swamp. Until I “befriended” a dragon (a fallen cedar tree) that became my saviour and guardian as we battled pirates and zombies arising from the primordial ooze of the marsh.

My mother likes to tell the tale of how I would pitch my tent in the back yard, come spring. Every year I would move the tent further away from the house, until she couldn’t see it from the house. I would cook my meals over an open fire and teach my friends how to live “in the bush” - n the wilds of Kleinburg - and listen to the wolves at night.

I joined the local Cub troup and was immediately impressed by our leaders. All of them were local businessman, who had sons. I enjoyed several years growing up with this group, through Scouts, where I helped with the Cubs, and on to Ventures. I’ll never forget our big campouts just north of Kleinburg, where we had hundreds of acres donated to us to run around, play capture the flag and fish in the creek.

Saturday nights were great, in that our parents would come out for The Big Bonfire. A huge 20 foot high (well, at that age it seemed to be) log cabin of wood that would be doused with combustible fuel, then torched. As it burned down, Pierre Berton would regale us with tall tales and direct us in rotating choruses of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” and other classics. He would actually leap through the bonfire flames with no regard to his safety.

I miss Pierre and have read most of his books. If only our education system had embraced his endearing stories of our Canadian history, I wouldn’t have dropped history as a subject in high school. I was sick of memorizing “names, dates and places”. He introduced you to the people of the time. He personalized it. He put you there. To feel what the folks of that time were experiencing.

Winters were quite different then. Being the little capitalist I was, I took on a Globe & Mail paper route at the tender age of six. My mother still feels guilty about watching me trudge through five feet of snow at six in the morning, as, to dutifully deliver the paper to the loyal readers, as the wind whipped around my little body.

The first Binder Twine was held in 1967, as Kleinburg’s contribution to the country’s 100 year Centennial celebrations. Since I didn’t have the attributes to enter the Binder Twine Queen Contest, where the girls had to milk a cow and smile through a toilet seat, I decided to go for another event. I did win second prize for the pet parade, showing off The Pethouse Apartments, a stack of six levels of cages some of the critters I had at the time: Cats, bunnies, guinea pigs, hamsters and gerbils all strapped down onto a wagon. For my efforts I won a huge stuffed bear from John Wayne, of Wayne and Shuster fame.

I watched the Binder Twine grow from an event, where the few hundred locals celebrated their history to a mammoth event of 50,000 plus people, with all the trappings of a highly commercial event.

How times change.

My New Year's Resolution

I have neglected to inform you of my new exercise regime.

I was recently reminiscing about when I was in my late teens and early twenties I would do 50 pushups and 100 sit-ups every evening. Not the wimpy versions either. Full military style pushups and twist the torso sit-ups.

In my last year of high school, I dared one of the strongest guys to punch me in the stomach. Just to add to the drama, this was in the shower room, after a game of soccer. Mega testosterone.

Everyone knew I had been working out with weights for a few years, much to the embarrassment of several “tough guys”, that I whipped in arm wrestling. Both arms. But, to look at me, I didn’t have an obvious 6-pak of abs developed.

After much cajoling and assurances that if he did hurt me, I wouldn’t report it, he finally agreed. As the crowd gathered around, he wound up and let go a wicked punch to my belly. I smiled as he uttered, “Shit!” and shook his hand.

Over the past 20 years, I have “played” at exercise. Rowing a few “laps around the living room” on a row master, whilst watching the CBC morning news. Pedal a stationary bike “for a few miles”, as I viewed a movie. I would notice, and feel, a positive difference even in a few days. Coworkers, and lady friends, sometimes even remarked that I looked slimmer. But slothfulness would, inevitably, return.

I am now committed to stick to it. I now do 20 sit-ups every morning. I know this doesn’t sound like a lot. But, hey, you can only hit that snooze button so many times.

Weather Reporters

Friday, Dec. 16, 2005, found me working in the warehouse – okay, I got conscripted to help doing inventory. “But I have dyslexia!” “I have ADD!” My plea-bargaining was to no avail.

I was hoping to have friends visit that weekend so I was wanting to hear the local radio station come on with their weather forecast when, finally: “Friday will have a chance of flurries and – 4. Saturday will have a chance of flurries and – 4. Sunday will have a chance of flurries and – 4. Monday will have a chance of flurries and – 4. Looking ahead to Tuesday, (wait for it) will have a chance of flurries and – 4.”

Cripes, I thought the guy was on Valium!

1989 - I was in my office and happened to glance out the window. It was raining so hard I could barely see the restaurant across the street. The local radio station, which is a mere 4 blocks up the street, came on with their “100% accurate up-to-the-minute weather forecast” and their forecast? “There is a 30% chance of rain in our area today.”

Weather reporters have less credibility with me than politicians, even less than used car salesman. And I was one, once.

I swear they go through drama school. They get us, the public, all worked up with their histrionics – “Armageddon is coming this weekend, so you better cancel that trip you were planning.” Much to the detriment of places that rely on tourism – B & B’s, hotels/motels, resorts, ski hills, etc.

Yes, let’s take these bastards to task. So, send an letter, e-mail or phone your newspaper, radio station, TV station, that YOU’RE PISSED OFF AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!

Willie The Wimp

As a child I was an incredibly picky eater. Then teenage years came, when I would gorge on anything. I was ravenous for the next five years, hungry at all times and ready to ingest anything new. Except hot spices!

For my first year at university, I opted to live in residence. Great idea socially but, as to sustenance, the cafeteria was a disgrace. I quickly learned to boycott breakfast as nothing but various colours of rubber were served up. I would remove the cap of the saltshaker and dump a pile of sodium onto the crap that they served up for lunch and dinner.

With four of my friends we decided to rent a house off campus for our second year. These guys had all been out on their own for a few years, so they were experienced in the kitchen. My expertise there was quite limited to grilled cheese sandwiches and mini pizzas. Their culinary delights came with a price, if I was to eat their results. They all liked hot spices. One buddy had posted a vertical poster in the kitchen, akin to a child’s grow chart, which listed in increasing order the hottest spices. Those wing nuts would mark off what they had tried with pride, trying to outdo each other. I was given the nickname of “Willie The Wimp” as I refused to be drawn into their crazy culinary creations.

At this point, I read an article about hot spices. They were, and still are, used in hot climates to mask the taste of meat gone bad. Plus, the pain of the spice would increase the body producing endorphins that made for a “high”. Thus, I understood the junkie-like habits of my friends. Always looking for the ultimate high.

This was my impetus to learn how to cook for myself. In using subtle spices to bring out the nuances of the food. This became my enjoyment of cooking.

A couple of months ago, a good friend visited me and I took him to one of my favourite restaurants. He went through several courses: appetizers, soup, entrée then desert. He asked for Tobasco sauce, Worcestshire Sauce, mustard, “anything hot the kitchen has”. I reminded him that I brought him to this establishment because of the culinary talents of the owner and staff. He ignored me, as he slavered the accoutrements all over his first three courses. I finally stated, “I could serve you dogshit with all this crap over it and you would love it, right?” He nodded in agreement, as he shoveled in the hot stuff.

Zeke, The Fearless Mouser

I hooked up with a friend, from my university “daze” of learning about forestry, where he was living in B.C. He was renting a barn on a 15-acre spread in a beautiful valley. The Slocan River ran around two sides and a creek cut through the centre. Apple and pear trees aplenty surrounded a huge garden.

Buddy had a cat named Zeke, as a nod to our enjoyment of bluegrass music. Buddy had cordoned off a section of the garden to grow some catnip. When I showed up for my visit (it was to be only a week – I ended up living there for three years. Yup, several other stories from this) he had a nice crop of three foot high plants in a four foot square plot.

Living in a barn, we were rather run over by mice. We’d be sitting at the “dining room” table and the critters would peek their faces at us between the salt and peppershakers. I would reprimand buddy as to why we had so many meeces when he had a cat living there.

Well, I quickly learned that Zeke’s activities revolved around the catnip patch. Upon wakening, he would stroll out to the patch and make love to the plants for about half an hour. Then, he would morph into SpeedKitty – zipping around the place like a loose pinball. Dashing along the fence rails, running up trees, spinning around the yard like he had St. Vitus Dance.

An hour later, we’d find this flaccid feline hanging his exhausted body somewhere around the estate. He was coming down from his buzz.

Back to the mice – we had trap lines set up all over the barn. We’d hear them snap during the night, with the scraping sounds of the death throes. And where was the great mouser?

One day, I was entertaining some friends visiting from Ontario, when Zeke paraded through the door, very proudly holding his head up high as he was carrying a mouse.

The mouse was already dead in a mousetrap!

See what hallucinogenics will do to you!